


lovesick

by jellycafes



Series: taste of petals and metals [1]
Category: Gugudan (Band)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Hanahaki Disease, Onesided, Unrequited Love, hanahaki!au, mentions of vomiting and gore, poorly proofread but i hope this is decent enough uwu, sojin didn't mean it, soyee and sally are together lol, this is short
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-25
Updated: 2018-08-25
Packaged: 2019-07-02 07:35:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,834
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15791961
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jellycafes/pseuds/jellycafes
Summary: “A sweet love sick spreads inside of me. I feel dizzy, baby, hold me tight.”Bora feels something growing big in her chest; maybe the flowers, thorns or her love for Sojin.





	lovesick

**Author's Note:**

> It took me three days to finish this shot and it's not even reaching 3k words ,, deleting school to focus on gugudan.

It wasn't long when Bora barely feels anything but the painful growing of flowers, thorns and love for Sojin heavy in her chest.

 

 

Bora had never saw this coming— she associates herself with flowers so much that she grew one on top of her heart.

 

See, the girl is the town's most loved florist. She makes the most visually appealing flower arrangements and delivers them to the people on their doorstep with a freebie worth of her day completing smile. She barely forgets to brighten everyone's day, including Sojin's when she once answered the door, opening to see a bunch of beautiful set of petals a shame to be only outshone by her heart abducting smile.

 

Bora thinks Sojin was her best karma. The two of them had acknowledged each other's existence around the town eversince they met each other. They became casual, gradually friends—maybe the bestest of friends, with the summit of kissing. Their first, and probably only, was in one hot friday night in some club when Sojin was way in too deep of the consumption of alcohol and Bora wasn't yet. Sojin was uttering very suggestive and careless phrases until it led to asking Bora to kiss her. The next thing they knew, they were on each other's lips. Bora's heart raced. She can't exactly identify what's it for. Is it because of the bittersweet taste of liquor lingering in Sojin's lips she fears to get addicted to, considering that they're seconds to making out? Or is it the realization that what she feels for the younger is something more than friends should be feeling?

  
Bora pulled away and carried wasted Sojin out. Sojin was too drunk to resist. They stayed in Bora's apartment. Surprisingly, nothing spicy happened.

Just Bora craddled in the sleeping bag lying on the floor and Sojin sleeping on the bed. Bora doesn't close her eyes, not even a wink, and spares the night contemplating what exactly is Sojin to her. A friend? Best friend? Soulmate? Friends with benefits?

She winced the last option out her head. She doesn't want their friendship taken this way. But whatever it is, it feels very painful.

That was when Bora had the strong urge to retch. Her chest felt so much prickling and her insides push something weirdly textured up her mouth. She thought it was just her body's natural reaction to the alcohol she had intaken earlier, but once she ran to the sink to do it, her sweat ran cold on finding herself throwing up rose petals and blood. The confirmation of her one sided romantic feeling for the girl was concluded later.

Gripping on the sides of the sink, she continued coughing the taste of sweet rose petal and metallic blood of her own off her mouth. She took a heavy series of inhales and exhales and turned the faucet on to flush away the blood and petals which is everywhere in the sink. She watched the painful sight disappear in the sink and wished everything in her chest will do the same. But the funny thing is never could she flush away her already existing feelings.

All Bora did for the rest of the night is cry.

 

♡

  
The next day, Sojin was left all alone when she wakes. Bora left as early as five to open her flower shop. Sojin had a raging headache due to the hangover of last night's party but definitely knows where she is and started panicking. _"Oh god, what happened, where's Bora, did I cause a huge nuisance for the poor girl?"_

Sojin looked for any sign of her best friend. Her eyes stopped at a bright yellow stick-it note stuck to Bora's lampshade and a key sitting ontop the drawers, with the keychain of a daisy.

Sojin read the note Bora left and did exactly what it said.

♡

  
Sojin was surprised when Bora wasn't in her shop. A worker is, though.

"Where's Bora?" Sojin politely asked.

"Oh, she went to the restrooms for a second, but how may I help you?" The worker replied.

"Okay, well, I have nothing much to request but may you please give this key she left in the house. Tell her I came by to say sorry either. If you don't mind." She drop the small clinking metal on the woman's palm she instinctively gave.

"No problem." She assured. Sojin smiled and bowed before making her way to the exit.

The woman coughed. "Oh, by the way," Sojin turned over her shoulder, "How may I address you?"

"Sojin." She answers. "Jang Sojin, to be kinda specific."

The woman smiled and nodded upwards. "Sure. I'm Liu Xiening."

Sojin nodded and finally left. Xiening's gaze won't.

 

She jumped in surprise when Bora called her, though.

 

 

"Oh it's you," Xiening brushed her sudden shock off. "You've been in the restrooms for eons."

 

Bora raised her brows, not thinking of any alibis to throw. Xiening dropped the subject and told her Sojin came by to drop her keys, just as she asked. Bora let out a stoic "okay" but former one was intrigued.

 

"Who is she?"

 

Bora swallowed the plants suddenly coming for her throat again. "A friend." She answers.

 

"Oh," Xiening continued. "I mean, I don't want to come off as nosy or anything but do you like her or whatever?" She reluctantly questioned.

 

Bora was thrown aback. Not like she showed it, though, her expressions just ran colder. She denied her, however.

 

"It's just that I found her interesting in a matter of seconds, but that's just me. I didn't want to be a threat to you if ever that's why I asked." Xiening pointed out. Bora gave a lazy smile. "That's great, Sojin is one warm and loving person if you ask me. Go ask her out if you wish."

 

Xiening's eyes sparkled. "Really?"

 

Bora nodded in approval. The younger seemed so enthusiastic about her friend so why would she place in the middle, right? Besides, Bora knew Sojin's type and Xiening was the perfect embodiment of the idealized girl.

 

Her smile wore off when she couldn't take the torturing flowers lingering in her throat any longer.

 

"Xiening, I'll be at the restrooms for a sec." She said in a hoarse voice, resisting and pushing back the flowers.

 

♡

  
In every passing day, her disease grows just like her love for her best friend. It's getting worse and unbearably hurts more and more. Bora was pissed. She just doesn't know what exactly is her anger targetted to— is it at the disease for being real and not staying just fictitious or at herself for falling in love with someone who vividly and clearly just sees her as no one else but in a label of a friend. Maybe both. All she knows is that something revolving the heavy growing of garden drives her insane.

For every moment Sojin appears to the elder's field of vision, her heart races and it cultivates the flowers more. Bora thought that way and decides maybe it's better to just keep her distance. It pains her more than the flowers do, but at least this way she may prolong her life.

She asked Xiening to be the first move between her and Sojin. She couldn't believe it either. It's hard for anyone to let a friend of yours court someone you strongly like. For Bora, it's better for things be like this.

Only, it doesn't help.

It was the same old flower shop. Xiening was at work when Bora felt the prickling of thorns up her throat. She tried holding it back so the Chinese girl won't notice, but she just had to run to the restrooms because the flowers were seconds to exploding in her mouth.

Bora threw out beautiful petals covered in the darkest shade of crimson. She retched and retched. It was torture.

She heard the door of the stall open, forgetting to lock them since she didn't find the time to care apart from the flowers. Bora finally felt a pause in her throat and the petals backed away. When Xiening was in sight right that moment and she screamed in fear.

Bora was really a frightening sight to see. Blood and small fragments of petals were dripping on the side of her lips. The blood also stained on her clothing. Don't even get started with how the whole sink looked like a brutal crime scene.

The thought sinked in Xiening's head. "Bora..." She called with all things left in her. Realizing the cruel conclusion, she couldn't help but drop a tear off her eye. "Who was it?"

Bora cleaned the sink giving such dumb words, pretending to not have a clue on what the younger asked.

"Bora," Xiening repeated, "who's the cause of your hanahaki?"

Bora wouldn't let her know; she would never let her know.

"It doesn't matter anymore." Bora said, the crimson color in her lips dripping as it shakes. "They wouldn't do the disease any better."

Xiening, stuck on oblivion, slammed her palm against the restroom's wall. "I'll make them,"

Bora looked up with a look of a frightened. "No! It's alright, really. I don't want this disease to be such nuisance to you. I can handle this myself alone." After all, her choice of words satisfied her. She would like to keep this as vague as possible.

But the younger wasn't having any of it.

"Oh, come on, Shin Bora! Do you even know what's up in your body? It's Hanahaki, Bora! Hanahaki! You could die a painful death with this!" Xiening scolded out of worry, but Bora already knew that. She thought it was difficult for Sojin to love her back because of how she treats her. An intimate relationship that's only of between two sisters only.

She understands that Xiening cares about her so much, but she'd rather die than severely upset her friend for her own cure. Seeing her a step away Sojin's hand makes her happy. Minus the painful growing of the plant in her chest, though.

"Get surgery." Xiening carelessly uttered. Bora hated getting that suggestion. "It might not be the best decision, but it might save your life if you think feelings don't."

At this point, Bora had already cleared the scene. "Thanks," She answered.

"But no thanks." The last thing she did is storm off.

 

 

♡

 

 

 

Sojin and Xiening started hanging out for the past few weeks. Bora witnessed it all. Sojin visits the flower shop almost everyday, but this time not for Bora.

 

 

 

The girl misses her best friend, though. The one she hasn't have feelings for. She misses her old relationship with Sojin, yes. She never realized how much of a fool she is until now.

 

 

 

But seeing her now, she smiled at how happy Sojin looks around Xiening. Even if it kills her, her heart would flutter seeing how genuinely in love her two friends are with each other.

 

 

 

There was one late evening, probably around 11pm or whatever, and the florist had to take out the trash before closing her shop. On the way back was when she heard Xiening and Sojin exchange words that both excites and pains the individual.

 

 

 

They looked like they're in their own built world and they see nothing but themselves. They don't even acknowledge Bora's presence.

 

 

 

"Xiening," Sojin started. Xiening listens with eyes of passion. "You've stayed with me majority of the time and I'm grateful for that."

 

 

 

Xiening just nods, busy playing with the strands of the taller's hair.

 

 

 

"Maybe I'm considering to be your girlfriend already? Yeah that's right. I'm gonna be your girlfriend already."

 

 

 

Without a word, Xiening pulls her closer for a deep kiss.

 

 

 

The sight hurt Bora, physically and emotionally, and the flowers never get tired and always ready torturing her.

 

 

 

Bora gets back into the trash bin and coughed out the same composition of petals and blood.

 

 

 

♡

 

 

 

Bora knows the Hanahaki is getting severe. Bora feels it.

  
The first time she's coughed out an entirety of a rose with the thorns intact, she knew this is the last stage of the disease. The first time was followed by that of many. Bora was scared, but it's not like she doesn't see this coming the minute her petals bloomed.

Xiening repeatedly convinced her to get surgery. Bora said she wants to think about her choices first before she suffers the permanent effects, but as the former said, "Your time is running out. I haven't seen anyone last three weeks at that stage of throwing up whole stems of flowers. Either you get medical attention or at least let me convince the cause of your feelings to love you." The florist was tired of the same words her friend spews.

She just doesn't understand.

Thankfully, Bora didn't have to warn about being cautious in telling her disease to Sojin. Sense of privacy, she supposed. But she knew one day Sojin just had to find out.

She wasn't ready to let her know yet.

Bora didn't want any surgery to happen, either. If she dies, she dies with the happiest memories with the love of her life. One could not read it from her but she knew that catch.

If she seeks medical help on taking out the Hanahaki, the feelings, the ability to love again, and the memories will be taken away from her as well. She doesn't want that.

She wanted the beautiful idea of Sojin's existence to be the last thing she thinks of. Not the cold, alone gray life of not living up to love her.

Thinking that way hurts more than the healthy garden of roses inside her.

Bora was in the flower shop's restroom, severely coughing roses damped with the same crimson red fluid. Xiening was by her side, rubbing her back to at least relieve her shaking. The flowers were too big that they clog the sink. Xiening's sweat ran cold, she couldn't possibly imagine how Bora's larynx survived the unbearable pain the whole thorns induced.

But when Bora wasn't letting out red roses anymore, that's when she's left with no choice.

"Sojin, sweetie, Call the ambulance! Bora's coughing brown, withered roses!"

 

 

♡

 

 

 

Inside the ambulance, Xiening couldn't keep her hands in one place. Sojin is weeping beside Bora's tired, pale body. She isn't unconscious, she just wanted to close her eyes and take a rest.

 

 

 

"Bora, we're getting close, please fight a little more longer." Sojin struggled to say her words of encouragement, almost wheezing the words away her mouth.

 

 

 

She gathered the heart to ask her girlfriend about this. "Since when did she had the Hanahaki?"

 

 

 

Xiening shrugged, not finding the strength to tell her she doesn't know. "I discovered it like half a year from now."

 

 

 

"Why haven't you told me?"

 

 

 

Bora heard their argument. She was actually impressed on how her worker kept track of her sickness. Bora was in love with Sojin for six months now—at least from what she knew.

 

 

 

"Bora, hold on a little more. We're minutes away from the hospital. You can do this! You're the Shin Bora I know!"

 

 

 

See, this is why Bora can't let go of Sojin. She believes in her like no one could.

 

 

 

"Please, tell us who..." Xiening begged. She genuinely wanted to know who is the cause of her agony, and this time is the perfect time to let them know.

 

 

 

She opens her eyes. The pupils, like magic, met Sojin's. "You..."

 

 

 

Everyone was silent.

 

 

 

"I'm sorry." Sojin whispered under her breath. "I'm so so so sorry, Bora, I really am!"

 

 

 

"You don't have to be." She threw her a weak smile. "I understand."

 

 

 

"Oh, my god, Bora!" Xiening exclaimed, dropping a tear. "I didn't know..."

 

 

 

"Please!" with all that's left in Bora's throat, "I don't want you two to live in guilt just because of me. If you two experience me dying here, that's all that. You don't owe anything from my soul."

 

 

 

"Dying should never be your option. Forget me, forget us, forget everything that's happened between you and me. I don't give a fuck not existing in your eyes if all that costs is your life."

 

 

 

The siren of the ambulance stopped, but Bora's heart did it first.

 

 

 

"We made it!" Sojin, trying to be enthusiastic about her friend getting cured. "I'm so proud of you," She lightly shakes the elder's shoulder as if waking her up. "We're at the hospital now! Finally! That's all we've been waiting for, right?"

 

 

 

Bora doesn't answer.

 

 

 

"Please, Bora, you've made it! You're able to live longer and that's all what matters."

 

 

 

Xiening, with the legs of sphagetti, crawled up to Bora lying. "Open your eyes, I'm begging! You don't deserve to end like this."

 

 

 

She still won't.

 

 

 

"Sojin..." Xiening called, her girlfriend responded with a low hum. "I'm very sorry."

 

 

 

"No, you've done nothing wrong." Sojin hushed. "That one day may or may not be around the night I kissed her. I fell by oblivion, didn't realize she did exactly the same."

**Author's Note:**

> there are sequels / spin offs so uh look forward to them ♡


End file.
